Today is February 10th. It is the 41st day of my 40 day Ganesha Saddhana and I haven’t practiced so far. I’ve been hosting a tone of voice workshop for a Telecoms company in Cheltenham so I was up at 4.30am and I won’t get home till after 10pm. I feel relieved that my commitment is over, my Saddhana complete, and I don’t need to find a toilet cubicle to chant in – although the roomy WC on the Cross-Country to Glasgow Central feels remarkably private. But, mostly, I want to keep on going, busting those obstacles out of my way with my big bad trunk and my giant swishy ears.
I committed to Big Lugs on the 1st of January before I taught a Ganesha workshop on the 3rd. I wanted to bring more mantra, mudra and pranayama into my daily life and more myth into my teaching. Inspired by Sianna Sherman and our kick ass Rasa yoga 300hr Teacher Training in Berlin, I was all about removing obstacles. As is Ganesh.
Since the start of my Saddhana I have become acutely aware of the range of paltry disincentives and absurd stories I place in the way of myself. I hate the phone and avoid answering it. I’m not very good at Skype. I’m shy about my writing. I can draw pretty well but I’ve never unlocked any potential. I love to dance but I’m too scared of being new and getting it wrong. I’ve suffered with IBS for five years because it would be really hard to not eat pizza with Pete and I do love a beer. I didn’t go to yoga classes for three years because I surely had everything I needed from Yogaglo. I don’t call my mum or dad very often because I’m afraid of my mum’s illness and my dad’s judgement.
So, things have changed since January 1st. Here I am, writing this blog for a start. I’ve written about brands for years but all I really want to write about is yoga so why, i ask myself, have i not been. I’m currently on an elimination diet and it feels so good to be listening to my body and giving it what it really wants. So what if I can’t eat pizza and drink beer? Who cares? I go to yoga classes every week because it’s the most obvious, logical and reasonable thing to do. I’ve made the leap and started answering the phone – I’ve even made a few calls. I’m still a bit unsure of Skype – I’m always too busy (obstacle identified) and I’m never sure if we’re voice or video calling (this is one of my favourite storylines). I signed up for an experimental drawing course but got there a little late so I’m on the waiting list. And I haven’t yet made it to dancing – still need to break down the door of fear for that one (please come with me).
I fondly refer to Ganesha as Big Lugs because of my dear friend, Cookie. She has also done the Saddhana and she’s been bashing obstacles out of the way ever since. She kept referring to Big Lugs and it took me a while to click. For those not familiar with Northern parlance – lugs are ears and our big-eared friend has helped us to listen and meet ourselves in the place of challenge. The Saddhana gave me time and space to get still and my 108 Ganesha mantra planted the seeds of intention in my every cell, as bowing to the remover of obstacles vibrated through my being.
And so I shall continue with Ganesha while considering a new 40 day Saddhana.
Watch the space.